My gay life: part 3

< back to part 2

MARK & 'A'

By this time I had put the wheels in motion to buy a small flat in South Manchester. One night, down at Stuffed Olives bar, I got talking to a guy called Mark. We became friends and, when the day came for me to move into my new home, Mark helped me move my things and clean up the place.

One day Mark showed me a photograph of 'A' -- one of the other students he shared accommodation with. Recently, 'A' had confided in Mark that he was gay. He was a handsome guy, a year younger than me, with floppy brown hair and a lovely smile.

Believe me, love at first sight really DOES exist. And, wow, he even looked vaguely like my heart-throb Nick Heywood! Well, I thought so at the time.

'Fantastic Day': boy meets boy.

I knew I just had to meet this guy. But, by this time, all the students were heading home for the summer, so I had to act quickly.

Finally, I managed to get along to their flat in Salford Precinct on the very day that 'A' was moving back to his parents'. Mark was playing 'Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?' by Culture Club on his old record player, while 'A' was busy carrying his stuff out to the car. Mark had told him about me, but 'A' was shy and would hardly look at me.

After a while, I could see that nothing was going to happen unless I made the first move. I knew also that I wouldn't get another opportunity for at least three months. Maybe never! So the pressure was on.

I waited on the stairs and, as 'A' walked down, I put my arm across so he couldn't get past. I said something corny like 'will you give me a kiss?' And he did...

We went into his room, I put my arms around him and we looked out of the window across the Salford skyline (very romantic!). We talked a bit and swapped numbers, nothing else.

A few days later I called him at his parents house, all prepared for disappointment. But, to my amazement, he accepted my invitation to come over.

I remember the afternoon of his first visit very clearly. It was a hot day in June 1983 and 'A' had travelled by bus from Burnley, which is about 25 miles from Manchester. I honestly don't think I've ever been so excited about anything, before or since.

He arrived wearing a long-sleeved white shirt and old jeans that were slightly-flared and really out of fashion for the time -- not that I cared about that. He was perspiring quite a bit after the hot bus journey and maybe a little from the excitement of meeting too.

A LONG HOT SUMMER

It continued from there... We found we had a lot in common. 'A' spent most of the summer with me. In fact, thinking back, it seems as though we missed most of that long hot summer due to being in bed so much.

'A' already had his University accommodation arranged for the following year. So we split the time between my place and his, in Prestwich. I had a scooter at the time, which made it easy for me to get across there.

His room had an ancient brass bedstead, that used to creak, and was overlooked by some factory offices. We had to close the curtains in the afternoons.

Finally, 'A' found someone to take over the accommodation and he moved in with me permanently. We never had much money, but we managed to decorate the flat with ingenuity and a shoestring budget. It included this camp pink and pine bathroom, which was designed around a piece of surplus grey carpet that I got free from work.

We didn't have a car at the time and I remember carrying home the timber for the ceiling. Also the many times we ended up walking home to the flat in Victoria Park, after a night out at Stuffed Olives. Sometimes soaked to the skin or covered in a layer of driving snow!

Often we would walk a bit further to Dickenson Road, where there was a takeaway known as Sam's Charcoal Pit. However, we used to call it 'Sam's Armpit', due to the hunky hairy Asian or Greek men in vests who worked there. Odd to think that in 1983, we still weren't quite sure whether it was possible to catch HIV from a dirty beer glass in the pub or by kissing someone and we were worrying about it slightly. Yet, after the pub we were eating these huge beef burgers, blissfully unaware of mad-cow disease.

COMING OUT TO MUM

But, that first summer, there was still the important business of coming out to my mum. I was going through that phase of wanting to shout about being gay and even more so having met 'A'.

Mum came to stay with us and, one day in the kitchen, I asked her what she thought of 'A'. She said he was nice. 'But you do realise he's more than just a friend?' I said.

'Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?' she asked.

She was shocked but OK about it and told me she would always love me even if I was 'a murderer'. I said it wasn't quite THAT serious! But soon she came to regard 'A' as her 'second son'.

Shortly after that, my sister came to stay and kept pestering me, asking 'is 'A' your boyfriend?' Finally, fed up with it, I turned around and said 'yes'. But that didn't shut her up. She was so surprised that she kept asking 'really?', 'is he really?'.

I don't think coming out has changed my relationship with my family at all. Though we have never told my dad. That was mum's idea back in 1983 and now she says she regrets it.

I think to an extent my mum was sad that I wouldn't produce any grandchildren for her and I think, initially, my sister felt a little uncomfortable. But, since then, she has begun a career in marketing, advertising and the media. Enough said...

After that initial 'tell the whole world' phase wore off, I began telling people on a 'need to know' basis and the rest were left to think whatever they wanted.

HOMOPHOBIA

Britain has come a long way since the early 1980's. One day in 1983, I was seeing my doctor. He began asking about whether I had a partner and by accident I let slip that my partner was a man. He then told me that it would be best if I found myself another doctor...

That same year, a lecturer at college thought it was OK to make remarks in class about what my sexuality might be. I wasn't 'out' at this time and his speculation was based solely on what I happened to be wearing.

I didn't do anything about either of these incidents at the time and I'm not sure it would have had any effect if I had. But, soon after, I made up my mind that I would never tolerate that kind of thing ever again. It seemed almost an extension of the bullying that had occured at school...

During the late 1980's and early '90's, Manchester was the scene of several well-attended protests about discriminatory legislation that had been introduced by the Conservative Government.

Looking back at the video that I shot of the Liberation '91 march (above), the thing that surprises me, from a 2003 perspective, is that we were able to walk straight into Manchester Town Hall, along with anyone else who wanted to, to shoot these scenes from an upstairs window.

Another thorny issue at the time was the funding for treatment and care of people who had HIV and AIDS. Many events began to be organised to raise funds for this, including the Walk For Life.

The Walk For Live starts off from a rainy Platt Field's Park, Rusholme, Manchester on 9 June 1991

GAY HUDDERSFIELD

A trip to Blackpool was always fun. Enjoying the beach, the Radio One Roadshow sometimes and the sights. Our favourite sights were usually the shirtless tattooed Scottish lads who were on holiday! Then, in the evening there was The Flamingo nightclub.

We used to travel around quite a bit in the mid-to-late 1980's. The Baker's Vaults, a pub in Stockport, attracted a gay crowd for a time and so did an unlikely country pub on Sunday evenings in the village of Ripponden.

A crowd of gay men and women would just begin going somewhere, word would soon get around and a venue would become an unofficial gay pub. Other times it was because the landlord of a particular pub was gay (even if the pub itself officially wasn't). I don't think this happens now. Everyone seems to take whatever they are given on Canal Street.

Sometimes clubs in distant locations would make one night each week or month a 'gay night'. This was often on a Monday when they couldn't get enough straight people in. For a while there was a night at a club called Monroe's which, I think, was in Whalley, Lancashire. We would trek miles to these places.

In 1989 and 1990, Saturday night meant Rockies -- a large club on Whitworth Street, which, in the 1960's, had been the famous Northern Soul venue The Twisted Wheel. Upstairs there was a large dance floor, a more quiet bar, a shop and a cafe. Downstairs was The Mineshaft which, notoriously in 1994, was raided by Police wearing rubber gloves because they were afraid they might 'catch' HIV... There was a huge outcry and that was pretty much when relations between the Police in Manchester and the gay community began to change for the better. Gay Police officers now take part in the annual Pride parade.

Greyhound pub, Huddersfield, New Year's Eve, 31 December 1990

In 1990 we got to know several other gay couples from Huddersfield and began going across there regularly. I remember, even then, there was a sense that gay Manchester wasn't quite as good as it had been. The Greyhound in Huddersfield was an old-fashioned kind of gay pub, which we loved. The DJ was known as 'the Queen Mum' due to his remarkable resemblance.

The Pink Picnic at Dovestone Reservoir, Summer 1990. Video coming soon.

In 1990 and 1991 we went to the annual Pink Picnic. This had begun as a small group of friends who went for a picnic at the side of a footpath overlooking the Dovestone Reservoir between Huddersfield and Oldham. It was completely unofficial and non-commercial, the aim being to raise money for charity.

However, by 1990, hundreds of people were taking part, complete with picnic hampers, candelabra, champagne, wind up gramophones and outrageous outfits. It was fun to see the look on the faces of the families who had turned up for a quiet Sunday afternoon walk on the banks of the Reservoir, but instead found hundreds of queens picnicking!

video clip

Monday 26 August 1991. The 'street market' jumble sale takes place in Sackville Park. This includes some shots of the Rembrandt Hotel and Canal Street 'how they used to look'. Watch the video |>| (pop-up window)

On August Bank Holiday weekend 1990, an event in Manchester, including a jumble sale at the side of the Rembrant Hotel, also raised money for HIV and AIDS charities (photos left). This was the beginning of the Manchester Mardi Gras. The following year the stalls were in Sackville Park (video above).

Although there were some stormy times, overall I was very happy with 'A' and I loved him dearly. We were together for eight-and-a-half years in all, until early 1992. He was my best friend, my lover and the little brother I never had. Above all I remember all the laughter, as we both had the same wicked sense of humour!

Video clip

'Gay Olympics', Saturday 24 August 1991. Teams from Manchester pubs, clubs and organisations compete. Watch the video |>| (pop-up window)

Gay party, Manchester, 1990

continue to part 4 >

Get in touch

Full details on my contact page.